the weekend.

Well yesterday i had the opportunity to go meet up with Kory and his sister Kourtney and go wedding dress shopping for Kourtney! She is getting married in March in the St. George temple. How freaking exciting for her and in such a pretty temple. I had so much fun spending the time with them and looking at the dresses, the only downer is all i can think about when doing that is man i want that to be me! I love looking at the dresses and trying them on, but just think of how much better it will be when i am actually trying them on FOR MY WEDDING! who knows when i'll get married, gotta find the "ONE" first. ugh. But i know my day will come and i will be so happy to be with the one i love forever! Nothing could sound any better than that!! well last night Kory and i were texting and we got onto the subject of foosball because he had told me how he dominated Caleb in it, so i then brought up the fact that i had won him twice, of course he did not believe me so he gave me a call to argue about it! We decided to put a bet on it and play and whoever won two first won their bet!
So today i woke up and went down to Provo around noon and right as i got there Kory and I went straight to our game that we had bet on. Well Kory decided that if he won i had to take him to dinner at the roof and get him some nice dress shirts, i said if i won he had to take me to mt. Timpanogus to dinner, buy me a shirt and clothes with whatever else! cause the bet was maximum of 200 dollars! As we start playing i won the first game and right then and there Kory was not to happy. The second game comes around and i totally dominated with a score of 10 to 3. Yup thats right! So then he was like ok ok double or nothing, but i said no though we did end up playing for fun and guess who won two more games?? Yup that'd be me! :). He was even more mad about that so he wanted a rematch with another two games...... well i won both of those as well so all together i won 6-0. hehe :) Finally he gave up and we were done. We then went to his grandparents for a family dinner, it was so much fun to meet his family and just hangout with them though their conversations are crazy!!! But totally funny i could not stop laughing! We went back to Kory's and started a movie, but i started getting tired and thought i had better head home since i had an hour drive ahead of me and work tomorrow morning! But as far as the weekend goes it has been amazing! Also i bought my plane ticket to Virginia! :) i leave dec. 26th-Jan 3rd. Well bloggers thats it for now! mmk bye bye now! 

conquer your fears. don't hold BACK!

Alright, wow where do i even start? well ok how about i start out with my day! today has been a pretty good day i got called into work and i only worked ONE HOUR and in that one hour i made 200 in sales and made a 20 dollar tip... so if you think about it man that is pretty darn good! haha. After work my bestie stephie came over and we watched home alone: lost in New York, only the most amazing movie ever! Then we decided to watch another christmas movie so we watched miracle on 34th street, another great show! I must say! 

Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength. However, there are times in life in which it takes much more strength to just let go." -Unknown

Well lets just say during that movie i was texting a friend of mine about things!!! WOW i have never been so stressed, nervous, fearful, etc... I have the opportunity to go to Virginia and i am just really freaking out about it because  fears that i have! Well a really good friend i have recently been able to meet started chatting with me on Facebook about it all, and wow to be honest he actually made me feel a lot better, though i still just get those thoughts and fears in the way of me! I really would love to go and spend a week there and see the sights and hangout! ONE THING.. and i know Mikey and i talked about this and this is the one fear i am determined to conquer.... the family! I may not have the happiest family and i worry to go there and see them so happy and showing love and affection, i have not seen that from my family in well about 4 years! i don't know what a happy family is really like!! 

So bloggers here it is, the day i conquer one of my fears i am going to go to virginia, and i am going to have the time of my life and i am going to see this family that is so loving and happy and amazing and think to myself that is going to be me when i have my own family! I am not going to let my childhood and teen years of what has happened to me, happen to my kids! so now i show you these quotes because they seriously have just changed my perspective on life and on me and how to live my life! to know that life does go on and that we cannot let satan get to us and hold us back from our dreams!! 

"Life is not a race - but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I love you", and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself - plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment." -Don't Know

LiFe Is An AdVeNtUrE..

Life is probably the scariest change anyone could ever think of! We never know what is going to be next! weather its experiencing something new or realizing that there is someone in your life you know needs to be gone, but you just can't seem to find a right way to let them know that things of you are changing? You cannot be stuck in the past if it is holding you back! It is going to get you know where in life for your future and to what is going to make you happy! 


For me i have been doing soooo much praying, pondering, and realization about my future! what is best for me? where do i want to be in 5 years? what do i have to do to accomplish these goals of mine so i am where i want to be? No one knows where they will be in the future but that is what is the amazing part for us is to know what we have to change to make sure our future is what we expected! I have come to realize that there are people, habits, and ways that all need to be changed or out of my life! Maybe not all people have to be out of it for good, but ways need to change of what goes on, so that i know i am going to be happy for what may come next! I know satin tempts us all the time to lie, cheat, and do all sorts of other things, but its our responsibility to hold back and know that you cannot do what he is tempting you to do! he wants us to see the end of the beginning! 


My goal in life to be proud of myself and my accomplishments and though i may have a lot to do to be where i want to be that is what is going to push me to get there and to know that at the end of this road i am going to be the most happy girl and that i have done what i knew i was suppose to do and i will be eternally blessed by it! I know that if i stick to these that my future will be all that i expected and more! Now its just to start on what i gotta do to make it the best! wish me luck!! here is a quote that i really like! 

“Finish each day and be done with it. 

You have done what you could; 

some blunders and absurdities have crept in; 

forget them as soon as you can. 

Tomorrow is a new day; 

you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit 

to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” 

TempLe sQuaRe.

I totally have not got on to write about my amazing weekend that i was able to just have! So as we all know the one main thing EVERYONE has to do during christmas time is make it down to Salt Lake City to temple square to look at all the beautiful lights that they have put up! Nothing could ever be more uplifting and amazing then the lights! I always wonder how many people does it take to string every single light on every tree? I mean there has to be like a bazillion lights that are on temple grounds!
 saturday: i met up with a friend around 4 and we went to gateway to do a little christmas shopping and grabbed some food, it was a way good time! He bought himself 2 new pairs of jeans and i got him one! so all together he had just got 3 new pairs of jeans, he says that is the most he had ever had in his entire life!!! I find that to be quite crazy! i don't know how he did it! Well after we were done shopping and our tummies were full of food we walked about two or three blocks to the temple to go check out the lights! SOOOOOO AMAZING! i loved going to them! But the really cool thing is, is in the south visitors center they had a building of the temple and showed what the inside of it! Even out the outside they had every detailed work on the temple it was so cool to see it in a small version to see everything! wonder how long that one took! ha. After we left there we went back out to check out some more lights and asked a lady to get a picture of us! here is the pic for you guys to see! don't mind kory's mustache! haha  that was an amazing night!!! After the temple i decided that i was just going to go back to provo with him and hangout so i drove to thanksgiving point and he picked me up there and we just drove to his place together!
sunday: well on sunday we were going to wake up and go to sacrament at 9:30 buttttt we kind of woke up a tid bit late so we went to the next ward which was at 11! well i guess first of all i best tell you about the way i looked! oh boy!!! ok so, since i decided to at the last minute go back to provo and stay there i had no make up with me, no extra clothes, no church clothes etc. so Kory and i had to go to him brother and sister in laws to let me borrow a skirt from his sister in law Leah. So my outfit for church was a green jacket, white skirt that was a tad to big on me, and brown boots on, with NO make up and my hair was all over the place and not done because i had slept on it! Probably the worst thing of my life! Luckily we did not go into the chapel we just sat out on the couches! well we went back home and Kory and i watched some football then we went back down to his room and took a 3 hour nap! felt so totally amazing! Then we went over to Kyle and Leah's for dinner it was really good!! Next was the NBA jam time! i totally dominated of course i dominate all the time...... ok so maybe i am lying a tad! :) i ended up staying the night again and we woke up early monday morning and he took me back to my car to come home! i must say all in all it was a pretty dang good weekend!!! :)

christmas time already??

hey bloggers! i cannot believe christmas time is already come around again it seems like it goes so so fast its kinda crazy eh??? well i know you probably get sick of me talking about my mom, but its just so hard not to around christmas time! it was her favorite time of the year!! i found a poem that is totally her cause i know she is spending every christmas in heaven with jesus and always watching over us!

I see the countless 

Christmas trees 

around the world below 

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,

reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular, 

please wipe away the tear 

For I am spending Christmas with

Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs 

that people hold so dear 

But the sounds of music can't compare 

with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, 

the joy their voices bring, 

For it is beyond description, 

to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, 

I see the pain inside your heart. 

But I am not so far away, 

We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones, 

You know I hold you dear. 

And be glad I'm spending Christmas 

with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, 

from my heavenly home above. 

I sent you each a memory 

of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious 

than pure gold. 

was always most important 

the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, 

my Father said to do. 

I can't count the blessing or love 

has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and 

Wipe away that tear

Remember, I am spending Christmas with

Jesus Christ this year

this is probably one of my favorite poems to describe what my mom is doing up in heaven right now with jesus! and as hard as it is i know it was what the lord had in store for us and that these are all blessings in the end. It may have been the hardest trial in my life but it made me so so strong and i still to the day have such a hard time and miss her like crazy, but then again i mean she was my mom right??

christmas has for sure not been the same since she has passed away though. my family to be honest feels so torn apart and ruined! i mean its to the point where my siblings don't want anything to do with one another and i fear we are all fading away! and that is not what a family does. Family is who sticks by your side through thick and thin who loved you for right and wrong!!! why my family? why is this happening? i don't want my family to be the type who looses contact of one another and when i get married and have kids they don't know who their cousins or aunt or uncles are! :( i have never feared this more than anything in my life! 

I guess all i can do is hope for the best and keep trying my hardest to stay in touch with one another and be the one to stand up and be the one to keep this family together! :) you can do it shanie! with the help of my mom and heavenly father i got this! i can conquer the world! 

i had the opportunity to go to virginia for a week with this boy kory aldous and spend it with his family and travel the east coast. i mean who would not want to do that? i know i want to so badly, but i know it'd just be a disaster i have never been around a family who is so happy and loving to one another! i am not use to that i fear i wouldn't know what to do?? what if they like giving hugs? i am not use to that! what if they ask questions about my family? do i lie? do i make it seem like my family is a happy family? cause i know we are far from it!!! so many things go through my head that i fear so being the girl i am i turned it down! i turned it down to be home with a family who is just going to argue and fight... that sound like a fun holiday??? sadly no. why am i so stupid to turn down virginia and a happy family? oh well one day i will have that happy family and will hold on dearly and cherish them for all my life!

well anyways i am done expressing my feelings! i hope everyone has a very merry christmas and happy holidays and spends a lot of time with the family!!! love you mom! merry christmas!!!!

the last nine months.

so don't be mad or hate me because i totally suck at writing in this dang thing. i forget i even have it and now its been so long i have no idea how to even work the darn thing! oh boy.. well since its been about nine months i figured i will just have to fill you in by months on what has recently happened and i will just make sure to add the important things that is all that really matters right??? so we will start with april.

APRIL: this is always one of the best months. why you ask? because it is my birthday month so of course its going to be the best ever! i cannot believe i turned 20. wow i feel so old and i really don't want to get old what is the fun of getting older? wrinkly? gain weight? all of that sounds horrible to me! ahahaha. But i must say i had a very good birthday. My friend came over and decorated my room, fed me breakfast in bed, made me get ready and we went shopping and to lunch. Later that day my dad and i hit up the golf course to go play nine holes! that was my favorite part of the day by far! i mean what is better than seeing a girl in her golfing outfit with her cute pink bag that says diva on it??? k face it nothing is better! :)

MAY-OCTOBER: i know this is a lot to cover but we can do it! :) just may not be able to get every little detail that i may want to try and get but we will make it work. Well these last few months were really amazing and the reason why is because i finally for once in my life moved out of my dads house and moved to idaho for a change and a job. I think that choice was one of the best because it totally took me out into the world and made me see and realize what it is going to be like out on my own or for when i am married and won't have my father here to depend on! I got a job working as a hair stylist at a salon called Regis, where i met one of my best friends Heather Williams. I just have to say i really don't think i would of been able to do it without her! she is the most amazing and happy girl and keeps everybody on their feet and a smile on their faces to push through the day even if it was one of the worst days ever!!! Also i have to show my love and gratitude towards my aunt and uncle for bringing me into their home and making me feel so welcomed and loved. My aunt was like a mother figure to me and i really love her for all that she did for me! I know my mom is so grateful for her to be in my life and to take care of her baby girl while she is in heaven doing gods work. In october i met one of the most incredible guys and have been able to spend the last few months being able to hangout with him and to gain an amazing friendship with him!! He is pretty much the best! He actually flew up to boise to help me pack up all my stuff to get ready to move back home to Utah. Of course we had to have some fun first though before coming back so we actually got to go to a BSU football game and sit 5th row from the blue field! it was simply amazing, even though Kory was not much of a blue and orange fan he still went and i was so glad he did!

After the game we started heading home but of course before we got back to Utah we stopped in good old Twin Falls to visit my brother and sister in law and went to applebees to grab some grub and chit chat! It was nice to be able to catch up with them beings we don't really get to see one another all that much! We got back on the road right after dinner so that we would be able to make it back in a decent time. We had to drive from twin to provo!!! can you say insane? i think so. but Kory drove the whole way home and we made pretty dang good timing.

 NOVEMBER: the month of giving thanks!!! i first of would just like to say how grateful i am for my family and all that they do for me and all that they suffer for me just to know that i am happy! I am very grateful for my friends and the friendship we are able to keep and that special bond that we have been able to grow with one another. I always sit and think to myself how lucky i really am to have loving family and friends because there are people out in this world who simply have no one to love or care for them. Think to yourself and realize how would you feel if that was you? would you feel lost? sad? alone? because i know i would, exactly why one day i am giving myself a goal to invite those people you see to a thanksgiving dinner and show them there are people in this world who will show their love for someone they don't even know! That one act of kindness could change ones life.  so be grateful for the life you have because it could be so much worse than what you think! Other than that this month i have just been hanging out with my friends and enjoying life! I go to provo quite often to hangout with my friend Kory!   

 its always a blast going down to hangout with him we seem to always have a 

blast when we hangout!! The last two times i have gone down we have made 

dinner, the second time was not very successful, We made soup and grilled cheese and it was the grilled cheese that failed! haha. Yet it was still way fun to be making dinner!

oh SO wiLd WEeK.

Well ok so maybe it is really not to wild, but hey when you have a boring life and you don't do anything you gotta make it wild right?? That is how you are suppose to get your friends to actually want to read your posts! Yet when they do read it and there is nothing exciting they say to themselves "wow ok that was lame." i know i am sorry!

Really the only thing i have done is just been hanging out with my best friend kersten! i love that woman. Monday we went down to gateway in Salt Lake and had a day of shopping and just so you know i seriously found the cutest pants ever! Of course i bought them! :) Don't you hate it when you go shopping and you just can't find anything you like? Or perhaps you do like it cause then you don't spend your money. I have the biggest problem trying to save my money. Ahhhh.

Tuesday and Wednesday i have just sat at home and chilled, but last night i did go get goodies and watched a movie "precious," i really recommend watching that show. If you do not like swearing then you probably wont like it. But you have to know that this show is about a girl who gets abused and raped and it shows her story! It is sooo sad, but like i said it drops the F bomb like A TON! no joke! I honestly think it is not necessary and that it would be so much better if that swearing was out of there, but the bases of the story is heart wrenching!!!

well today i had so many plans to look forward to and was so excited for today, till last night my boss text me and said that i may just have to work today! :( its so freaking hard to plan anything cause they randomly text me and call me all the time when i am suppose to have the day off and tell me i gotta go in! poop! I guess we shall see what happens though right? Plus i gotta think on the bright side, ITS MONEY!!! ha.

now k for saturday everyone is going to be jealous! I am going down to Mt. Green to hangout with an old friend that i grew up with and we are going to build forts out of furniture and blankets and then we are going to have SPITBALL WARS!!! yeah sounds gross but for some reason to me it sounds so FUN!!! and i am totally excited for this to go down! then we are going to bake a cake yay! :)

saturday and sunday: well i work saturday so i won't be doing anything but that and then sunday i get to go to two homecomings oh yay!!!! :) with two girls i absolutely love! what are there names your wondering? well they are kersten randle and shantel stoddard! they are wonderful girls that i just simply love! well now that you know my week i bet you guys can all guess what day i am most excited for! hahaha. <3

worst news of my life. :(

well lets just start it off with i have had a bad hip that has been killing me oh so bad lately, well my father thought i was just being a baby and thought i was just making it all up so i dealt with it for 6 months and then i just got to the point where it was unbearable and i just could not stop crying because of how bad it was killing me. well i went to the doctor and got some x rays of my hip and what not and get the results and the doctor says they are not so great so he calls my dad and gave him the news, that is then when my father finally decided to believe me.

i later went and saw a hip specialist and his name was jason blackham and he was up at mckay dee hospital. he tells me that they have never done a hip replacement or anything dealing with the hip on a young 19 year old girl and that there were very high chances of having problems or anything like that because this surgery is so serious! so i am freaking out and not wanting this. Doctor Blackham says here is what we are going to do, we are going to try anything possible to try and help it before getting this surgery. I started going to physical therapy and had to go for 6 weeks, that did no justice. Wednesday march 3rd, i had gone in for an injection and an mri to see if that would work and that was my second attempt to try and fix this hip of mine!

lets just say i don't have much luck! i went back today for the results of my mri and injection and nothing happened! i am gonna probably be getting surgery. But not only is this going to be a high risk surgery, it is expensive, and it will take a year to recover from this surgery to get back on my feet and get back to normal! i am really scared for this whole situation because i am so young and i have so much i need to do and i just need to go on with my life!!! :(

people help me with the faith and prayers to get this hip better and out of this shape it is in and to hope that i can just be a normal teenage girl who can go out and have a fun life while i am young and to see the bright side of life because right now i am not seeing anything bright in my life and i have been really down lately, i know i got my mother up in heaven telling me, shantel you are on this earth for a reason and you are the shining star in my eyes and i am here for you and i know she is pushing me to be happy and she is there for me. i am just really struggling with all this that is going on! i really could use my mother in my life right now to help push me! but if she could deal with her cancer with such a positive attitude and knowing she was gonna die and to be happy and ok about that because it is gods work and what he had planned then i can know that whatever happens it is gods plan! my mother is so my hero for all she ever did!!! im praying like crazy for the best!

feb.28th.2010: BIRtHdaY wishEs!

hey everyone, it has been quite a while since i have been on here to write a new post but ithought i would today to let my mother know how much i love her and miss her. today is her birthday and i just wanted to wish her a happy birthday and i am hoping she had the most wonderful day today in heaven and that it was just the best day for her!! i was thinking about her all day and just wishing she was able to be here so we could celebrate it together as a family! but i know that god has a plan for all of us and that one day we will be able to be together again and celebrate all of our birthdays together again!!!

i miss you mom and just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :) lots of love from me to you!!!

doctors, DoCtOrS, DOCTORS!!!

so i have been going to the doctors the past 7 months because i have a dislocated hip that i was born with and it has been recently hurting me so i went into the doctors when it first started hurting and i got x rays and what not, comes to find out it is all sorts of jacked up! well i went to go see a hip specialist about 6 weeks ago and he told me he wanted me to do physical therapy ! so i went and got into physical therapy and had to do that for the past 6 weeks every tuesday and thursdays! That did nothing for me beings that my hip was STILL hurting me!

well i just went back to the hip specialist yesterday february 22, and i had two choices to choose from! i could either get an injection of some sort of stuff and then get an mri, or i could just go straight to surgery. So i asked my dad what he thought i should do and he chose the mri and injection so now i have to go in march 3 for the injection and mri to see what my muscles and what not look like. So if this mri and injection do not work my last resort is surgery!

lets just say i don't want to have to get the surgery. because if i do i will be out in recovery for a whole year!!! i would have to stay in a hospital for a week, be in a wheelchair for 5 weeks, then be on crutches for 6 to 7 months!!! then start physical therapy to relearn how to walk! so pray with me and lets hope for the best!!

visiting a loved one..

Have you ever lost someone you absolutely love with all your heart and to not have them by your side you just feel so lost, your missing the other half of you, or you just don't know what your going to do without them because your life is just so different? well let me tell you something, it is the hardest thing EVER! My mother was my best friend i told her everything about my life and what was going on. wether it was from drama with a friend to a boyfriend or just to gossip with or shop with!

she has now been in heaven for two years and a month! (man does time fly), but you know it don't matter where she is wether it is here on this earth or there in heaven she is still here to listen to me and my problems! why i talk about this is because i just recently went to her grave to see her, to update her on my life and what has been happening in the life of her daughter, and boy i know she is just up there in heaven listening to me and all my worries go away! yes, i do miss my mother sooo much! there is not one day that goes by that i do not think about her!

But i would never be so selfish to have her be here on this earth suffering and just being in pain! i want the best for her and that was to go back to our heavenly father to serve her next mission there! I always go to visit her at her grave and everytime i leave her it is the hardest thing i have to do because i just don't like to feel like i am leaving my best friend.

THE ONE THING I KNOW IS SHE ALWAYS LISTENS TO ME AND LOVES ME! i recommend if you have a loved one and you have not seen them in a while go over and visit with them you will feel that love you maybe have been missing! never fear it. I know i did for a while and never really went and i regret it so much. i just want everyone to know that i love my mother with all my heart she is my world and my everything, she is my hero with everything she had to go through and how well she dealt with it! idk how she did it but she was the most wonderful person and i know she touched the lives of many cause i know she is my guardian angel and i love her so so so so so so so so so so so much!

feb. 19th. 2010: LOVE him.

today i got another letter from the amazing elder brandley! wow it was a great letter but any letter that comes from that boy i love he is an amazing guy!! but in the letter he said he is doing amazing! him and his comp kinda struggled the other week but that they are just really praying and trying to get back up there! they are teaching a family right now to try and baptize them! he also just talked to me about life and asked how mine was of course! haha. but he sent me a paragraph in spanish and its always a fun game for me to go get online and figure it out by translating it from spanish to english on google translate! haha. this last message said: "i miss you so much! i can not even tell you how much i miss you and want you in my arms!" with love elder brandley! yes i know soooooooooo cute right?? ha.

well i replied back and my letter was 5 pages.. ya i had a lot to say ok! ha. but i figured it would be funny and he would be amazed if i was to write a paragraph back in spanish so i did! :) mine says: " i miss you so much as well! i would love to be in your arms right now! i can not tell you how much i miss you!! i just can't wait for the day you come home and it can happen!" i love recieveing letters from him! :) i have not been able to stop smiling it just makes me so happy!

well that was my great news for the day i had to share! :) <3

feb. 18th, 2010: THE BRANDLEY FAMILY!!!!!

ever had that one family who you just know is like a family to you already??? well that is why i write today is because i have this family that i just LOVE so much! they are the most amazing people i have ever met. You step into their home and you can just feel their love for you and how amazingly sweet these people are! I have had the opportunity to get to know this family for the past 2 or 3 years! Let me tell you what, i can go to them for anything and they are there for me! Though it is just mostly for someone to listen to me while i just vent and babble on, but they always listen.

How i met this family is where you guys are probably wondering. Well let me share you my story. Have you ever walked into a class on the very first day and all you do as you walk in is look around to see what friends you know and if they are in that class so you can go sit next to them, because you don't wanna sit by yourself and look silly. Well that is exactly what i did, but sadly for me i had no friends in that class with me, but i saw this kid that i was stunned by and just thought to myself wow i got to get to know this kid! That is exactly what i did. Though it did take me a couple weeks to get the courage to go sit next to him and talk to him. So being the nerd i am i go sit next to him and introduce myself and he introduces himself, the only thing i could think about talkin to him about was basketball because that is what was on his leather mans jacket! haha. As we got to know one another we started talking and later texting and later going out on dates and hanging out all the time! From when i first met him i knew he was an amazing guy and knew how to make a girl feel special.

Later on as we kept hanging out i got to go to his house where i met his family! And let me tell you what i fell in love with that family when i first met them. They were so sweet and welcoming when i first walked through that door! I have had trials in my life that i just have struggled soooo much with and that family was always there fore me! They are such a blessing to me i will tell you that one right now. To this day i still go over there and hangout with that family all the time they are just so amazing, you don't even know how many times i could say they are amazing and it is still not enough!! Every single one of those kids have been an example in my life and have changed me in some way for the good!

Danny brandley is just such an amazing kid! he is like a brother to me. I can go to him for anything, whenever i am down or i just need to talk he is there and he knows how to put a smile on my face when i am down! ( and he knows what he says to put that smile on my face!) but ever since jordan has been out on his mission danny has been that one to be there for me! he is just so amazing and girls if you ever think all guys are jerks or that they are always wanting to cheat you are so wrong! cause danny is a winner! if you girls are single don't pass up daniel because you will regret it! he is just a sweetheart! just like his brother!!

i just wanted everyone to know that this family has blessed my life forever and i am so grateful for this family and i would do anything for them! they are always there for you and they just show love and friendship to you at anytime! Never have i felt so grateful for a wonderful family like the brandley family they all are so wonderful and amazing! they are the family that i want to be just like every single one of them show so much love to one another at all times! They are truely the happiest family and you know they love one another! It is just a great atmosphere for you when you are around them and they just make me realize what life is all about and what a family is about! i love that family so much! and i am just so so greatful for them in my life!

one longggg day!!!

so i started a new job yesterday but not only did i just have to go to my new job, but i had to go to my other job as well. i am sooooo not use to such a long day. haha. it totally kicked my butt. i woke up at 7:30 and got ready and what not and i was off to work!! so from 9 till noon i worked at my new job well then from noon to 6 i had to work at my other job which i called justice, well after that i had to go back to my new job and work from 6 to 10!! i worked a 13 hour shift yesterday between two jobs! WOW it was so crazy. But hey all that matters is i love both jobs they are both way fun and very laid back.. and i will be getting lots of money! :) yay. best part was after work i got to hangout with one of my best friends named gabe!! :)

sOmetimes tough things come back in some ways...

so today i was driving up to the mall for a job interview to work at this purse store and i was following this car.. well it was a red light and we are stopped and i look up and on the back of the window i see a sticker that had said 01/05/07. 

well for you of those who don't know what that day is that was the day my mom passed away, she was soooo amazing and wonderful and will never be forgotten. i miss her more and more every day, but i know i will be with her again someday. I also know she is my guardian angel and watches over me every single day and protects me!

it is probably the hardest thing to have to lose a parent or a relative. So anytime you feel like yelling at your family members or do not appreciate them think twice before you ever do anything because if you lost them the next day you would regret what you last said to them. love your family and cherish each moment you got. i love you so much mom!

A friend for LIFE.

i miss my best friend. she as there for me through everything and seeing that sticker today brought back memories to the day my mom died, it makes it so hard to think about it. And most of all i just sit and think wow its been three years and it feels like it was just yesterday!!!

well i just want to say i love you mom and i can't wait till the day comes we meet again and i hope you are so happy and pain free, i miss you like crazy and you probably know that you look down on me and wipe my tears away for me. i know you will always be here with me through thick and thin. i could say i miss and love you over and over and it could still not express how much i do miss and love you mom!!!! rip.

 So yesterday i went to a good friend of mines house to help him answer these two girls back

to two different dances. Well what he wanted to do was write some poems so being the kids we are

we wrote a funny poem. It was probably the worst poem i ever thought of beings i love writing poems

but it was what the whole point was.

 Well after that was all said and done we went to wal-mart to get all the supplies we were going

to need. And let me tell you i don't think i have ever spent such a long time in wal-mart! ha. We were

there for almost two hours. half of just messing around and walking in circles and half of getting the

supplies that was needed to decorate.

 After we decorated we went back to danny's house and just messed around and i don't i have ever

had so much freaking fun. Though we didn't even really do anything crazy, but we just danced around

the house had competitions, danny and i cleaned the kitchen, and we sang, also we played this weird

stacking game with couch cushins and us. Seriously it was such a random fun night.

 Most of all danny would ask me questions of my mom and i and what i loved the most and just

asking stuff that really made me think and made me really appreciate every moment that i got to

spend with my mom and it made me feel so good. He is such a good friend and i really love and

appreciate him so much. He is so much like his brother and any girl that wins him better not hurt

him because he is one boy you wanna keep and treasure! just like i hope to get to with his brother

because he is an amazing guy that i miss so much and love!

 Danny thank you oh sooooo much for last night and everything you did.

feb. 6,2010: IN HELL!!!!

Well why not just start out with how bad this week has been and it just don't seem to be getting better! Everything that could possibly go wrong, well it DID!  and i have already been so down lately with everything going on in my life. But you also gotta know that my dads girlfriend, yeah not a fan of her. She is the reason why my dad and i fight and argue so dang much and i hate it. 

 Today we were in the front living room and we were just kinda talking about the future and what could possibly happen with the way economy is, and how it could become dangerous with the job my dad has and him having a chance of loosing it. Well if that didn't scare me enough this next thing that came out of his mouth sure did.

 He announced that he was putting our house up for sale and that he was planning on proposing to his girlfriend. NOT GOOD. Do you ever get that feeling that you just know something bad is gonna happen and you try to tell that person, but they just will not listen to you? well that is exactly where i am at now with my father. He only wants to see the good in her and not the things he really needs to be paying attention the REAL jessica she is! So hear all this just made my whole freaking month horrible and i just really don't know what to do?

 If you were in this place what in the world would you do?? i need some guidance and help here cause i have tried talking to him and he just gets mad at me! AHHH help paleeeease! oh and i have not gotten a letter from the missionary in a while! :( but it will come!

Old FRieNdS. ReUnItE!

So today i am on facebook browsing around looking to see whats new on the good old Facebook, well i look at the top left where my messages box is and it says i have an inbox, so i am thinking hmmm wonder who is writing me. I go into my inbox and wow i was simply amazed to see whos name was in the inbox, it was my best friend Matt Green!!
I was a bit confused because he was suppose to be out on his mission and i did not think missionaries were aloud to be on facebook and talking to friends, but i didn't care because i was stoked to hear from him and to see how he was doing! After a while of chit chatting with him and catching up on everything we had missed out on we somehow then got onto the subject of the day my mom passed away! i remember that day as if it just happened yesterday!
It was January 5th, 2007 and matt, becca, and i had just finished lunch and decided to go over and sit in the seminary building and just hangout and talk when i all the sudden had received a call from my father saying that i needed to get home asap because my mom was dying and fast, so i started bawling and i had not drove that day so i was freaking out on how i was going to get home to see my mom, i didn't want her to die without me saying good-bye. So i call my best friend Ashley's mom and she came to get me, but before she could get there class had started so i am sitting in seminary crying and everyone looking at me like i am weird so i was so ready to leave and was happy Sandy got there just shortly after! Matt will always be my friend and i think of him a lot when i think of my mom because he comforted me so much and was there for me! THANKS MATT!!! i am so grateful for a friend like you!!!

ever had a scary moMenT??

Today was quite the crazy day if you ask me! So i had work today and i did not get off till about 9:30 because we were swamped today and i had a lot of cleaning up to do before we were able to come home. Well i get off work and come home to just my brothers friend Greg who had been staying with us, so i ask him "where is everyone?" Greg then says, your dad had a heart attack and is at the hospital! Ok what are you suppose to do when you hear your dad had a heart attack and you are not home and hear nothing?? All i could do is freak out and cry! I get ahold of my brother luckily my daddy was fine, but he really has to watch himself because he has an easy chance of having another one! So i mean how would you feel if you knew that was your dad? I can only sit and think about him and if he is ok. I tend to watch and follow him quite often to make sure he is ok! That was my crazy day today!

Monday Feb, 1, 2010

Jan 25th, 2010

so i have been writing this missionary that i dated for a while before he left on his mission to corpus christie Texas and today i received a letter from him. Have any of you guys ever gone back to the very first day that you meet that one special guy and could just see you guys being together forever and knowing you could love him for the rest of your life?? well with this boy that is how i feel. When i get those letters from him that just say over and over again I LOVE YOU! put a smile in my heart, because i know that i love him too! He makes me feel like i am worth something and i mean the world to him, and for me that makes me feel so special and amazing deep down! i love you elder jordan brandley!!!