christmas time already??

hey bloggers! i cannot believe christmas time is already come around again it seems like it goes so so fast its kinda crazy eh??? well i know you probably get sick of me talking about my mom, but its just so hard not to around christmas time! it was her favorite time of the year!! i found a poem that is totally her cause i know she is spending every christmas in heaven with jesus and always watching over us!

I see the countless 

Christmas trees 

around the world below 

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,

reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular, 

please wipe away the tear 

For I am spending Christmas with

Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs 

that people hold so dear 

But the sounds of music can't compare 

with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, 

the joy their voices bring, 

For it is beyond description, 

to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, 

I see the pain inside your heart. 

But I am not so far away, 

We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones, 

You know I hold you dear. 

And be glad I'm spending Christmas 

with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, 

from my heavenly home above. 

I sent you each a memory 

of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious 

than pure gold. 

was always most important 

the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, 

my Father said to do. 

I can't count the blessing or love 

has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and 

Wipe away that tear

Remember, I am spending Christmas with

Jesus Christ this year

this is probably one of my favorite poems to describe what my mom is doing up in heaven right now with jesus! and as hard as it is i know it was what the lord had in store for us and that these are all blessings in the end. It may have been the hardest trial in my life but it made me so so strong and i still to the day have such a hard time and miss her like crazy, but then again i mean she was my mom right??

christmas has for sure not been the same since she has passed away though. my family to be honest feels so torn apart and ruined! i mean its to the point where my siblings don't want anything to do with one another and i fear we are all fading away! and that is not what a family does. Family is who sticks by your side through thick and thin who loved you for right and wrong!!! why my family? why is this happening? i don't want my family to be the type who looses contact of one another and when i get married and have kids they don't know who their cousins or aunt or uncles are! :( i have never feared this more than anything in my life! 

I guess all i can do is hope for the best and keep trying my hardest to stay in touch with one another and be the one to stand up and be the one to keep this family together! :) you can do it shanie! with the help of my mom and heavenly father i got this! i can conquer the world! 

i had the opportunity to go to virginia for a week with this boy kory aldous and spend it with his family and travel the east coast. i mean who would not want to do that? i know i want to so badly, but i know it'd just be a disaster i have never been around a family who is so happy and loving to one another! i am not use to that i fear i wouldn't know what to do?? what if they like giving hugs? i am not use to that! what if they ask questions about my family? do i lie? do i make it seem like my family is a happy family? cause i know we are far from it!!! so many things go through my head that i fear so being the girl i am i turned it down! i turned it down to be home with a family who is just going to argue and fight... that sound like a fun holiday??? sadly no. why am i so stupid to turn down virginia and a happy family? oh well one day i will have that happy family and will hold on dearly and cherish them for all my life!

well anyways i am done expressing my feelings! i hope everyone has a very merry christmas and happy holidays and spends a lot of time with the family!!! love you mom! merry christmas!!!!